The Present and the Past Page 8

  ‘And it generally has so much, indeed almost all there is.’

  ‘There is still a question to ask,’ said Elton, ‘now we feel that nothing will be denied. Cassius still has some feeling for Catherine. Does he know it is unrequited? If he does not, it spoils it all.’

  ‘He will never know,’ said Catherine. ‘In a way.he will always know nothing. And now you know enough. I ought not to have made this demand. I should have kept my life and myself in their own place.’

  ‘I cannot bear people who try to be brave,’ said Ursula. ‘There is the danger that they may succeed, and it is even worse than other kinds of success.’

  ‘Courage may certainly resemble indifference.’

  ‘It might almost be the same,’ said Elton. ‘But it is too commonplace to think it is. Does Cassius’s wife know of his coming here? I am glad I am in time to ask that.’

  ‘I do not know. I would tell you, if I did.’

  ‘How can we find out?’

  ‘I do not know. I am an unrewarding companion. I do not pretend to come out of myself.’

  ‘Well, I daresay that is always pretence,’ said her sister.

  ‘I will leave you now. I will rest and let you do so. We shall spend the evening together. Our old and our new life will begin.’

  ‘Will two lives be too much for us?’ said Elton, as the door closed. ‘When we can hardly manage one. There is something I must say to you, Ursula. I am haunted by the thought of Cassius. Beneath that exterior does there beat a faithful heart?’

  ‘Why are such things always said to happen beneath an exterior? What other place is there for them?’

  ‘I think they would be less heart-rending anywhere else. And that is not the only thing. I believe the iron has entered into Catherine’s soul. I have wanted to meet an instance of that, but I see it was a dreadful wish. I might weep, if I did not see that your feelings were too deep for tears. I must not be shallow by comparison.’

  Chapter 6

  ‘Well, you will not guess where I have been,’ said Cassius, striding across his drawing-room.

  ‘We will not, my boy,’ said his father. ‘We will hear you tell us.’

  Cassius paused in his advance as space failed, and seemed at a loss for further cover.

  ‘I will guess,’ said Flavia. ‘You have been to see your first wife.’

  ‘Yes, well, I thought I had better put my pride in my pocket,’ said Cassius, putting back his head and feeling in his pocket, as if it were the natural place for anything tangible or otherwise. ‘It was a thing to get behind me. So I set my teeth and got it behind. And it went against the grain, I can tell you. I had never imagined myself in such a place. I had to brace myself up, as if I were going to face some great ordeal. And that is what it was. It seemed to be a test of every human quality. I declare I found there were things in me I had never suspected. I seemed to have to deal with a new self.’

  ‘It brought out your better side. That is always a difficult thing to look back on.’

  ‘Yes, make a mock of it. I might have known you would. You are not a stranger to me. But it was not an easy thing to do, Flavia. It was the most difficult step I had ever taken in my life. But I could hardly leave the burden of everything on a woman. There is something in a man that balks at that. So I took the bull by the horns and walked up the cannon’s mouth. And now I am glad I did. It has smoothed the way.’

  ‘So your better side is very good, my boy,’ said Mr Clare.

  ‘Oh, well, yes, perhaps. Well, I suppose there was an element of something above the average about it. These things are in us when the demand comes. We find there is something there that responds to a call. Otherwise I don’t see much point in maintaining a high moral tone. I would rather have an ordinary person who could come out under a test, than one of your paragons who say and do nothing wrong from morning to night. The little, everyday qualities don’t bear much on deeper things.’

  ‘Do normally well-conducted people fail under a trial?’ said his wife.

  ‘Oh, I daresay they do. I have known it. And, what is more, you are failing under one now. So there is an illustration. What other man would come back after an effort on this scale, the greatest he had ever made in his life, and meet such an attitude in his wife? I don’t believe another. What do you really think of what I have done? You must have an opinion.’

  ‘I think it may have been the best thing. And I see it was a magnanimous one. But perhaps it was rather premature. When did your first wife return?’

  ‘Today,’ said Cassius, using a full, easy tone, and causing it to swell as he proceeded. ‘An hour or two before I went to her. I told you I took the bull by the horns. What does that mean, if not that I acted at once? And any magnanimous impulse — any impulse has to be acted upon, if it is not to pass. I was afraid this would pass, I can tell you, as I strode along, trusting it would hold out until I arrived. I felt it ebbing away with every step. Premature? It was then or never.’

  ‘It was decided that it was to be never.’

  ‘And the decision has been altered, hasn’t it? Or that was the trend of things. First I am looked on as a monster for keeping a mother from her children, and then there is this chill and hush because I try to put right any harm I have done. What is the good of abiding by mistakes? The right way to deal with them is to rectify them. If they are to be sacred, what is wrong with them? Why are they mistakes? And what is to happen to the victims?’

  ‘Have you no gossip, my boy?’ said Mr Clare. ‘Did not Catherine appear or move or speak? Is there no change in her after nine years? Did she not turn her eyes on you? It was her way to do so.’

  ‘Well, she is still a handsome woman,’ said Cassius, in a tone of interest in his words. ‘Her hair is going grey, but I think it suits her; I should say it does. I think it adds something to her that she seemed to need. And an older face fits her personality; it never added to her to be young. Oh, she still makes her own impression. I was not ashamed of once having seen her as I did. As for that brother and sister, I barely looked at them. I shook hands and did no more. Indeed I am not quite sure that I did that. I never liked them, and I am not going to begin. I can’t think how she can have turned them out as she did. I thought better of her, I must say; well, better of her judgement.’

  ‘They have the name of being clever,’ said Flavia. ‘That does not give them a free hand.’

  ‘Doesn’t it? I suppose you know, as you are hampered in that way yourself. Clever? They may be, if it is clever to be aloof and eccentric, and never say a word like anyone else. I declare, if either of the boys took after them, it would be a grief to me.’

  ‘When do you wish Catherine to meet them?’ said his wife, in an even tone.

  ‘Oh, it is “Catherine” now, is it? In what spirit is that said?’

  ‘I must call her something. What would you suggest?’

  ‘I suggest nothing. You will decide for yourself. You never take my suggestions; so why ask me for them?’

  ‘I will take one in this case, if you will make it.’

  ‘Well, I will not. I have none to make, as you know. You are only trying to harass me.’

  ‘I must arrange for them to meet in privacy and peace. It is a matter that needs thought.’

  ‘So it is, my dear; so it does,’ said Cassius, loudly. ‘And thank you for giving it. Thank you for doing your best for me. Thank you for always having done it. It smoothes this piece of awkward road for me, to have you at my side as a support. It is a queer sort of position for a man, to have to depend on one wife to help him deal with another. I declare I could laugh when I think of it.’ Cassius proved his words. ‘And I can’t quite see how I have got into it. It does not seem to fit me somehow. I should have thought I should go through life in an ordinary, humdrum way, and here I am situated as no man has been before or since.’

  ‘It was parting the mother and sons that led you to it,’ said Mr Clare. ‘But you see it, and the matter ends.’

  ‘T
hen I am sure I hope it will do so. I am tired of this veiled carping and criticism, when I am trying to rise to the best that is in me. It needs an effort, I can tell you; and it does not do much to help a man, to have his wife and his father ranging themselves against him, as if they were part of the hostile world. He is prepared for the malice of mankind, but he looks for something else from them.’

  ‘It sounds as if your best was a good deal above your ordinary level.’

  ‘And so it is. And so is yours. And so is everyone’s. Of course I know it is. The effort one has to make shows that. I only hope to be able to maintain it until the end. And now what is the end to be? We must think of that. Would it be best to ask Catherine to a meal in an ordinary, open way? It would seem more natural and less suggestive somehow.’

  ‘What of her meeting with her boys?’ said his father. ‘Are our eyes to be on that?’

  ‘Well, it has to be got through somehow. I don’t know that they want to have it in a veil of darkness and mystery. Our being there might ease it for them.’

  ‘It would be a simple way to help,’ said Flavia.

  ‘Yes, be ironic about it I meant it in all good faith. It might be the only way to do so. And I don’t think sarcasm is quite the thing for the moment.’

  ‘You want to see the meeting, my boy,’ said Mr Clare. ‘And we see your reasons; it will be a human scene; too much so for your wife and me. But what of the people most concerned? Would they not choose something else?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think Catherine has much choice in the matter. She wants to meet her sons; the sooner the better, in public or in private; it is all the same. The main thing is the whole thing, if you understand me. There would be no trouble there.’

  ‘But we must do our best for her,’ said Flavia. ‘We have accepted her view and must act in accordance with it.’

  ‘Well, have the meeting in privacy then. Shut them all up together and leave them to work on each other, so that none of them is ever the same again. I am sure Guy will not be. If that is human kindness, have it like that. Of course your feeling for the boys is not that of a real mother. I see it could not be. And I see that it is not.’

  ‘I wonder what is best for all of them,’ said Flavia, in a detached tone.

  ‘I do not wonder. I have told you my view. But I will not interfere. I will stand aside and see mystery made, and suggestions set on foot, and the boys’ first impression of their mother constrained and spoiled. It is a strange thing to want to besmirch. Upon my word I should have shrunk from such an ordeal when I was a boy. And I have always thought of Guy as a more sensitive creature than myself.’

  ‘Well, what do you actually suggest?’

  ‘I do not suggest anything. I know better than to do so. And I have already made my suggestion. I assumed that there would be luncheon as usual, and that Catherine would come to it in a normal way, and the children join us later, as they always do. Then everything would be simple and above-board, and no one would suffer. I hate the thought of unnecessary suffering myself. And the mother and sons could be alone together afterwards. Does not that cover the ground?’

  ‘You make your case,’ said Mr Clare.

  ‘I suppose it does,’ said Flavia. ‘In a sense, of course it does. But is Catherine to wait until after the meal to see the boys? Is she to sit through an hour in suspense? We should do better for her than that.’

  ‘Well, let the boys come to luncheon. What is the objection there? Surely that takes in everything.’

  ‘We can hardly say it does not.’

  ‘You are making an occasion for yourself, my boy,’ said Mr Clare. ‘And I don’t say you deserve nothing.’

  ‘Well, and if I am,’ said Cassius, half-laughing, ‘I see no harm in it. I am sure we have one seldom enough. But my real object is to have this thing go through with the least possible strain, for you and for me and for Flavia and Catherine and everyone. And for the boys most of all. What is there to criticize in that? Why should we mouth and murmur over it, as though something discreditable were involved?’

  ‘Well, will you suggest it to Catherine?’ said his wife.

  ‘Why cannot you write an invitation in the ordinary way? What is the reason for making any difference? There is nothing abnormal about the occasion. We are simply asking a woman to luncheon, who happens to have been involved in my life. That is all it is.’

  ‘Well, it is that amongst other things,’ said his father.

  ‘She may answer that she wishes to see her boys alone,’ said Flavia. ‘It is what I should do in her place.’

  ‘But she will not, I tell you. Don’t you listen to a word I say? You and she are not the same. God knows I understand you both. She wishes to see her sons, and nothing else counts with her. She does not mind how or where. That came through firm and clear. You see I know her well. Indeed it was extraordinary how things came back to me. All her little words and ways seemed to fit into their place as if we had parted yesterday. Or rather as if we had parted when we were still on terms, you know. And to think that it is nine years, and that the three younger children have been born since! Well, how life goes by!’

  ‘So it does,’ said Mr Clare. ‘Mine has almost done so.’

  ‘I dread the effect of this meeting on the boys,’ said Flavia. ‘It is coming at the wrong age. They are at once too old and too young.’

  ‘Well, we can’t help that,’ said her husband. ‘Just prepare them for it, as if it were an ordinary thing. They will soon adapt themselves.’

  ‘I see that you do not know them.’

  ‘And I see that you do not know me. I am always seeing it. You are too busy admiring yourself to have any admiration left over.’

  ‘So knowledge of you could only result in one feeling?’

  ‘Oh, well, what do you say? Well, in what feeling? Oh, well, yes, you would take that line. Well, it might result in it. Or I think it might in this case. I do think there are things in me, that you don’t recognize, Flavia. Just as no doubt there are things in you that I don’t. But I recognize a good deal. God knows I do.’

  ‘Perhaps you read it in. That is an easy thing to do.’

  ‘Not for me. That isn’t in my line. I only see what I can’t help seeing. I don’t want to see anything more. I am sure I don’t. I guard myself against it. I don’t want to know what is below the surface. It is advisable not to know it; I have found that. And now about this letter that has to be written. Ought we to make a draft?’

  ‘Not if it is to be just an ordinary invitation. There should be no need. I suppose I address her as “Mrs Clare”?’

  ‘Well, I suppose you do. It seems rather odd, somehow. And she will have to call you the same. So there will be two Mrs Clares at the table. I might keep a harem.’

  ‘Well, not so much of one,’ said Mr Clare.

  ‘No, well, I suppose not. Well, I suppose I shall manage between them. I don’t call either of them that; that is one thing.’

  ‘And a thing that will dispose of any problem,’ said his wife.

  ‘And how about the children? Well, they don’t call either of you that either. But what will they call Catherine?’

  ‘Her own boys will call her “Mother”. It is what they always called her. Fabian may just remember. The little one will not use a name.’

  ‘Yes, that is why you were dubbed “Mater”. I remember now.

  And I remember wondering why you liked it. It did not seem to suit you somehow.’

  ‘I did not like it. It did not suit me.” It does not now. But the name, “Mother”, was given. It belonged to someone else. I did not take what was not mine.’

  ‘I remember; I do remember, Flavia. And I remember how you sunk yourself in other people and forgot your own claims. And I appreciated it, my dear; and I have appreciated it ever since. It is the foundation of our life together. Whatever else has been between us, we have that.’

  ‘Do you wish the letter to go today?’

  ‘I don’t wish anything about it
,’ said Cassius, sitting down and throwing one leg over the other, as if threatened by exhaustion. ‘But, as I told you, Catherine wishes it, and it is she you are so concerned for. And if you had seen her all keyed-up and tragic, you would not keep her waiting a moment longer than you could help. No one would, who had a human heart.’

  ‘It is you who have kept her waiting for nine years,’ said Flavia, going to the desk. ‘She need not wait much longer.’

  ‘Well, upon my word, what a mean speech!’ said Cassius, looking at her back. ‘Of all human meannesses give me that of a good woman. And when I say a good woman, I mean what I say. Well, what can we do to hurry things? Shall I leave the letter at the house?’

  ‘No, that would be showing too much zest,’ said his father. ‘It is not a case for an excess of it.’

  ‘Simon can take it,’ said Flavia.

  ‘And wait for an answer?’ said her husband.

  ‘I hardly think there is any need for that.’

  ‘Too much zest again? But, as I told you, if you had seen that woman, you would share my feeling. You would not expect me to consider what was due to myself. If you are what people think you, you would be shocked by it. You would not worry about zest. It is not a case for being concerned with convention. I declare I can’t get her face out of my head. It keeps coming back to me.’

  ‘Well, Simon can wait for the answer.’

  ‘You are a good woman, Flavia, a woman sound at heart, if ever there was one. Your heart goes out to another woman in distress. You have no feeling about her coming to share your place. You are above it.’

  ‘Surely she will hardly be doing that.’

  Well, we shall have her coming here, or the boys going there, or something of the kind happening. If there is to be this change, it will have to be managed somehow. I don’t see any way out of it.’

  ‘I did not know the change was to involve so much. I understood there was to be a meeting, and I assumed it would be repeated at intervals, but not at frequent ones.’

  ‘Oh, you assumed that, did you? That is the knowledge of human nature of which you have so much! If I have any myself, the meetings will recur pretty often. What would you expect?’